etcetera

2006-11-27T05:15:00.000-08:00

your languages baffle me your prejudices defeat all attempts at normalcy your laughter feeds my impatience your prescence my envy wish i a thousand curses upon you who doesnt let me be wish i a million snakes in your food (laugh if you will) wish i you torment outside of your space your pettyness your obsessions with frivolity wish i you all that i am putting myself through except this is a kiln and i hope thats a microwave

2006-10-11T02:13:00.000-07:00

step back. step back i remind myself. hovering ever too close

2006-10-11T00:50:00.000-07:00

how incredible and impossible it seems to step away when one is so inextricably attached

2006-10-11T00:11:00.000-07:00

oh how i hide - just beneath the surface. just infront of a smile. almost next to a frown. in peals of laughter. and work.

2006-09-20T23:14:00.000-07:00

oh but i am plagued
by silence
and fear
and emotion
in abundance, more than i care for really
and i no longer talk
because i no longer listen
and i'm plagued
by what ifs
and past jealousies and
recent ones
and ashamed of them too

how will i deal with this, just how?
when will i get past it
and above it
and not touch
delicate drops of dew that are best left on a leaf

2006-04-21T12:09:00.000-07:00

you cant control your feelings someone told me, but you can control how you react to them.
why should that control come so tough?

2006-04-21T11:48:00.000-07:00

no you wouldnt feel this way.
because you are not a child
you are not me.
i'm insane.
and i'm not, at the peril of sounding extremely jealous. i'm not little one

2006-03-29T19:38:00.000-08:00

am i scared? as hell, my dear as bloody damned hell.
am i unsure? yes yes i am. where will we get the money? how can we get you everything you want? how can we get me everything i want? how can we get us everything we need?
am i crazy? yes. i hate not knowing how tomorrow will be. will we have a roof on our heads? will be be able to pay off credit card bills? will we get this and have that?
do i know what i will do? no

selling faith anyone?

2006-02-27T20:39:00.000-08:00

glint, orange night
hardly day
receding shadows line the way

moving pictures
sitting still
now so new
now, run-of-the-mill

slowly turning,
giant blade
chop the air
watch the night fade

then a picture
in the window
a silent nagging
the car's now slow.

its time to break out of the feeling.
time to feel out of the breaking.

2006-02-13T18:58:00.000-08:00

har gam har ek aasoon hamey
apna banana aa gaya
har hal mein hal daur mein
hamey muskurana aaa gaya

2006-02-13T18:26:00.000-08:00

how and will it
questions plague
answers, bleh, none

2006-02-13T00:40:00.000-08:00

i'd die.
a thousand deaths
of a minor melody
and seething pain
if i had to do this again

2006-01-30T19:47:00.000-08:00

...tum ko puja hai
tumhari hi ibadat ki hai...

2006-01-17T12:09:00.000-08:00

bleed just to know you're human
hurt just to know its alright

2006-01-03T12:00:00.000-08:00

let go i said to him and then realised i should have been saying it to me

2005-12-24T10:41:00.000-08:00

how quickly each year flies by. each one faster than the last.
tch.
then i nod, smile.

2005-12-06T11:09:00.000-08:00

and its over just like that.

2005-11-14T03:52:00.000-08:00

sometimes i wish i could set everything right.
but i can't
and i have to learn to live with that.
....or find one bloody way to do it anyway.

2005-11-04T07:20:00.000-08:00

today, i miss you.

2005-11-02T23:11:00.000-08:00

i wish i could, dear heart. but i'm trying to let you be. this is your thing to do.

2005-10-21T10:13:00.000-07:00

because, i honestly can.

2005-10-14T12:03:00.000-07:00

ask, just ask.

2005-10-13T22:19:00.000-07:00

this living decently business is getting out of hand and its beginning to get to me
the thought that maybe i am thinking too hard about it does not escape me
but erm, now?

2005-10-08T21:05:00.000-07:00

okay i don't know it for sure but i will take on the world

2005-10-02T08:30:00.000-07:00

in sanity
no reason

2005-09-30T11:58:00.000-07:00

and in these days of madness
i need respite, please dear respite find me before i become a case for the asylum.

2005-09-24T03:06:00.000-07:00

if i think about it i will go out of my mind
if i dont think about it it can blindside me
i have to think about it and not think about it.
this is just the thing that i did not want damn hell. this is just the thing that i did not want.

2005-09-05T09:33:00.000-07:00

these days i have no words,
simply no words
just pictures that flit through the minds eye
and send a shy smile to the lips
and words in a voice
that sends little bumps onto my skin
and skin. and touch

2005-08-09T08:40:00.000-07:00

for my sake and yours, i had better get abck to my fiesty self soon.

2005-07-19T08:45:00.000-07:00

i'm proud. i know. and however i feel, its not my turn now.

2005-07-12T08:52:00.000-07:00

and i dont have to ask
because in that moment i feel no doubt
but experience is a wicked teacher and a strict one
so i explore my mind anyway and face every scary thought
every possibility that can go and has gone wrong
every little bit of speculation
and then i'm free
and i dont have to ask

2005-07-08T12:01:00.000-07:00

i promised you i wouldnt and i'll die keeping my word

2005-07-08T11:52:00.000-07:00

intensity that will drive me insane
and sanity fighting to keep my mind in my body
the insides of my mind feel like a tuning fork on a pitch that threatens to rip every piece of flesh and tear every vessel
sounds searing until all that i am left with is a rather painful headache
what'll i do, babe, what'll i do?

2005-06-30T12:21:00.000-07:00

and yeah i'm the only one who can be crying enough to make a kilo of salt and then typing genuine hugs into another window.

2005-06-30T12:18:00.000-07:00

lights, wind, smoke, fire, earth. utter clarity of feel and complete agony because i ought not to feel this way. ought? agh, ought. dreaded ought. there oughtn't be oughts. and when i realize this, i should let go. because otherwise ...

2005-06-21T13:01:00.000-07:00

sigh! sigh! ack.

2005-05-25T08:31:00.000-07:00

i've heard from the whole world today... where are you? where are you?

2005-05-10T15:28:00.000-07:00

friday: went by
saturday: slept through
sunday: steeped in heat
monday: flew
tuesday: is almost done... tomorrow's wednesday - are you listening?

2005-01-21T01:22:00.000-08:00

yawn.

2005-01-21T01:21:00.000-08:00

even as i'm saying don't get too close to me the perfectness will disappear do you know what i'd really rather be saying? don't go too far away, i like it that you're here i feel like i've been down these roads before and much as i have its true that i haven't sane as i am i'm also chaos confident as i seem i can also waver omniscient as i am (heh) i need reassurance ...

2004-12-15T21:23:00.000-08:00

ramble rant rave time coming full circle,
yes balu, we do exaggerate the importance of the immediate
i'm hoping that this reality will break into a new one
and i really am very very tired of all the metal gymnastics in my life

2004-12-15T01:36:00.000-08:00

what i need
is to be rescued
from the persistent
madness
from the fevered delirium
from silence
and quietitude
that masks
unprecedented turbulence
what i need
is for sanity to win this battle
or to wipe me out
trying

2004-12-15T01:35:00.000-08:00

nee andeylalo adi undi ani nee padamula cherithiney

2004-07-12T15:42:00.000-07:00

laughter, insane, wild, uninhibited.
laughter that touches my soul in way nothing has in a very long time.
i see you, standing there, laughing at nothing, everything, yourself, me.
i see you and my breath catches in my throat, my heart skips a beat and i dont want to leave your side. i don't want the sound of that laughter to ever die out, today i dont want to even remember the day before i heard it.

2004-05-07T20:24:00.000-07:00

saturday is fast becoming my most favortiest day in the entire week.

2004-04-20T21:58:00.000-07:00

reward for obsessive bloggin', gmail

2004-04-20T06:39:00.000-07:00

at long last eh me hearties?